


Texts To My Heart

by goldenwolfrose



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Broken Heart, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Maybe - Freeform, Not Beta Read, Smut, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 15:21:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14834799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenwolfrose/pseuds/goldenwolfrose
Summary: Tasha knew that keeping the secret of Project Dragonfly was gonna blow up in her face. She just didn’t know how much it would hurt when it did. She never knew how much she needed Patterson in her life. And Patterson never thought her greatest heartbreak would open her eyes to something so important.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read so any spelling grammar or other errors are totally my fault. Sorry about that. 
> 
> Will keep some of the themes and story bits from this season of Blindspot but also totally canon divergent because I’m ignoring Tasha being ‘in love’ with Reade. Plus I ship these two together so AU.

 

Zapata hated lying to Patterson, it had been one of the hardest things she had ever done. And try as she might in convincing herself that she did it because it was her job she always knew it was wrong. Zapata knew that she would get caught eventually. She knew it before Nas told her she probably knew it as soon as she laid eyes on Borden. But here and now after having to tell Patterson that she was Borden’s handler and that she had been lying to all of them, but mostly her, it was far worse than she expected.

With the last of the team's case files turned in and no more work for the night everyone heads out in their own groupings slowly. Weller and Jane head home first, Weller barely even casts a glance her way. Jane is decent enough to not completely shun her and gives her a pained glance as the elevator doors close. Reade heads out a few minutes later with Meg, he is whispering into Meg’s ears and the way her face cringes as they walk past Zapata is sure that he is telling Meg how horrible of a friend she is. There’s nothing Zapata can do, she earned this, and she earned all the bad looks she was getting and probably more.

Zapata tried waiting for Patterson to leave, she knew that the other woman stayed late, but the headache that had been growing since she admitted her lie to the group was becoming more than she could manage with the remedies that were in the office.

Grabbing her purse off the floor and her jacket from the back of her chair Zapata turns and heads to the elevator pushing the button so she can head out and leave for the night. As the elevator dings announcing its arrival, Zapata shuffles inside eyes cast to the ground, partially out of shame and partially in an effort to get out of the building as quickly as possible. With her eyes cast down though she misses Patterson in the hallway opposite the elevators watching her, waiting for her to leave so she can avoid a confrontation.

Unlocking the door to her apartment after an agonizingly slow walk home, Zapata tosses her stuff on the chair near the door and leaves her gun on the side table where it usually rests. Her feet guide her absently to the cabinet above the fridge where the bottle of whiskey Reade gave her last Christmas waits for a special occasion. Tonight is far from a special occasion but Zapata knows she needs something strong and smooth if she is going to get through tonight. The downside to good strong whiskey is the poor life decisions she makes after drinking most of the bottle.

_11:17PM Tasha: Patterson!?_

_11:17PM Tasha: I’m sorry Patterson._

_11:18PM Tasha: I thought I was protecting you. I thought I was helping._

_11:37PM Tasha: I didn’t want you to get hurt._

_11:58PM Tasha: It was my job Patterson_

_1:23AM Tasha: Please just talk to me._

Taking the last of sip from the bottle before it falls to the floor from the edge of the bed where she had been dangling it Zapata makes one last plea for the night.

_3:12AM Tasha: Please don’t shut me out Patterson. I’m sorry._

Little does Zapata know that across town in her own apartment and with her own bottle of booze Patterson has been reading every text and downing another glass each time her phone chimes with the alert of a new message.

Patterson has easily finished her own bottle of whiskey when Zapata’s newest apology text dings on her phone. The anger inside of Patterson had been brewing all night. At first, Patterson couldn’t believe what Zapata had told them. The possibility that her best friend, her closest friend, had lied to her for months, over a year, in fact, seemed impossible. And that Zapata who had been there to hold her after the nightmares of what Borden did to her kept his survival secret seemed unimaginable. But, it was the truth, the night of text messages only serving to prove it in Patterson’s mind. Each new text only drove the knife of Zapata’s betrayal deeper into Patterson’s crushed heart, and with each new text Patterson only hurts more and the anger threatens to explode.

_3:13AM Patterson: Leave me alone Zapata_

Zapata sees her phone light up before her eyes give into the sleep she is so desperate for. It’s the hope that gives her enough energy to burrow under her pillow and pull out her phone. When she reads the text her heart breaks and the tears that had been threatening to flow all night finally roll down her face. It wasn’t the being pushed away that hurt Tasha, it was being called Zapata again that broke her heart. Patterson hadn’t called her Zapata like that in years and she knew now that Patterson would probably never forgive her for this betrayal.

 


	2. Hangover's are Brutal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The women are both completely hungover and call out from work. Solitude isn't really the best cure for betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta read so any spelling grammar or other errors are totally my fault. Sorry about that.
> 
> Will keep some of the themes and story bits from this season of Blindspot but also totally canon divergent because I’m ignoring Tasha being ‘in love’ with Reade. Plus I ship these two together so AU.

Needless to say, both Zapata and Patterson were well too hungover in the morning to even attempt to go to work. Plus neither was really certain they could see the other.

Reade was all too happy to take their phone calls in the morning when they said they couldn’t come in. He was actually relieved that he wouldn’t have to play referee between them today. He was so relieved that they weren’t coming in that he encouraged both women to take an extra day and come back on Monday.

Zapata quickly agreed to the extra time, she figured four days would be enough time to be able to at least look at her best friend without breaking down into tears.

Patterson, on the other hand, was a little bit more of a tough sell. When Reade offered the extra day, she turned him down trying to tell him that the tattoo’s needed to be solved and that she needed to be there. It took some convincing some reminders she had a very qualified team of assistants (even though she argued none of them were as good as her) and almost an order before Patterson agreed that she would take the extra day and be back Monday.

When Reade went out to the bullpen to tell Jane and Weller it was just the three of them for the next two days he almost thought he saw Weller sigh in relief.

Tasha’s betrayal had hit the team hard and rationally Reade knew that everyone would process it eventually and move on. Hopefully even forgiving the other woman, but that it would take a few days for everyone to wrap their heads around Borden being alive and that Tasha had hidden it from them. Reade knew the call Tasha had made was solely based on the job, since his promotion he learned that the line between right wrong and the job often blurred. But even he was shocked at how easily his best friend had lied to everyone.

Leaving Weller and Jane to their own devices, Reade goes back to his office and updates Meg. Meg had taken the news of Tasha’s betrayal actually far better than anyone else and even sided a little with Tasha. Meg knew that sometimes secrets had to be kept if people were going to be safe. While Meg understood the emotional hurt Reade and the team were feeling she tried to remind him that it was her job first and foremost.

Unfortunately for Patterson who was still balled up on her couch the empty whiskey bottle from last night on the floor, she was not seeing it the same way as Meg had.

Patterson tried closing her eyes to forget, to will the hangover to put her to sleep. Instead, every time her eyes shut her mind replays the conversation from the lab earlier that day on an endless loop.

The team was talking about the new activity on the message board and about the possibility of an attack in New York. No one had noticed Tasha standing awkwardly to the side. Even know Patterson has a hard time willing herself to hear the words that quietly slip from her mouth. The team had gone silent when Tasha said she knew who Dragonfly164 was and even quieter when she admitted that she was Atlantic17.

Somewhere inside Patterson had been scared to ask the question how Tasha knew that Borden was alive. Maybe it was intuition but as soon as the words left Patterson’s mouth she knew she was going to regret the answer she would get.

Uncurling herself from the ball she put herself in after calling Reade Patterson’s phone drops to the floor and lights up. As soon as the screen lights back up she is reminded of the texts she got last night from Zapata and how much more real it made the whole thing seem.

Patterson probably wouldn’t have even given her phone another glance if it hadn’t dinged with the arrival of a new message. Patterson silently hoped that it was Jane or one of the lab techs but deep inside she was certain it would be from Zapata.

7:56AM Tasha: I feel like death.

7:56AM Tasha: I’m still sorry

7:57AM Tasha: I hope you're ok

The arrival of the last message hurt more than Patterson expected it too. Tasha was, or maybe had, been her best friend but after lying to her for so long Patterson wasn’t sure what she expected from the other woman. Part of Patterson expected Tasha to not care about her, part of her was glad that she still hoped she was ok. Of course, the reason Patterson was currently not okay was clearly Zapata’s fault and it stung that the other woman had the nerve to check up on her.

It’s petty really and maybe it is the leftover alcohol that is flowing through her body that makes her do it but before she can stop herself Patterson is opening her contacts list and changing Tasha’s name. Patterson’s finger stab at the phone getting more and more firm until the name Tasha is deleted. There is a brief moment where Patterson wonders what to change her name too (since she can’t just delete Tasha from her phone) and then it hits her. In a few clicks on the phone's keyboard, the name Tasha is replaced with the name she had when they first met before they were friends—Zapata.

Tasha doesn’t expect to hear back from Patterson after her morning texts. In reality, Zapata knows that she probably shouldn’t have even sent them. Patterson was clear earlier when she asked to be left alone. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was Reade’s fault for giving her the extra time off or maybe it was just because of who Patterson was but Tasha couldn’t stop herself from caring and checking up on her friend.

Zapata’s found in fact does not light up the entire day, not even with a text from the team. Part of Tasha is relieved that nothing has come up in her absence, part of her fears the worst and that not only will Patterson likely never forgive her maybe the rest of the team won’t either.

The absence of any communication from the outside world is hard on Tasha, even in the best of circumstances. Zapata had opened her phone more times than she could count during the course of the day. There was even a brief moment where Tasha opened the games section of her phone and her finger hovered over the Wizardville app that Patterson had created while Tasha was working on destroying her best friend by working with Borden. Zapata started crying before she could even open the app, and her phone ended up being tossed into the corner of her bed.

It was dark now and the lack of communication and the ability for Zapata to overthink everything had led her back to her kitchen in search of something new to numb the pain. The good whiskey from the night before was gone and trashed and Tasha hoped that there was something strong left for her so she could pass out and end this day.

The mix of tequila and vodka that coursed through Tasha’s veins made her bold and brazen, qualities that are never a good mix when your best friend is mad at you.

1:11AM _Zapata: It was my job Patterson_

1:11AM _Zapata: It hurt so much to have to lie to you but it was my job_

1:14AM _Zapata: I work for the CIA. We keep secrets_

1:14AM _Zapata: You know what this job means_

Across town Patterson had tried coding, she tried gaming she tried everything she could think of so that she could get her mind off of one of to things. If her mind wasn’t thinking about drinking some of the booze that was still packed in the back of her closet, it was thinking about Tasha. Finally, it was late and Patterson’s mind was almost to a point where it could relax. A third of a bottle of vodka that was next to her bed had definitely helped. But then her phone blinked with the arrival of a series of texts. The calmness that had finally begun to seep into her bones vanished at the crass tone she could read in Zapata’s texts.

Patterson knew all too well the challenges secrets played in their line of work. Secrets got David killed and Patterson still blamed herself for that. But, David wasn’t FBI or CIA or anything related to her work so he had no need to know those secrets. If he had left those secrets alone he might still be alive she reminded herself. But Patterson and Zapata were co-workers and friends and they were both supposed to be working together. There was no reason for Tasha to hide behind her job and the fact that she was trying to do just that made Patterson see red for the first time since the whole Dragonfly thing was uncovered.

                                                                              1:19AM _Patterson: You were supposed to be my friend Zapata._

1:19AM _Patterson: We were supposed to be on the same team_

1:22AM _Patterson: You can’t hide behind your job_

Her last text was pounded out and sent so Patterson threw her phone at the pile of pillows across from her. Sleep was definitely not going to be happening anytime soon based on how angry she currently was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this originally popped into my head as a quick little text one shot. Then I started writing it and it became bigger than that. I’m not sure yet what all I’ll write for this but I’m hoping a few more chapters at least. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are love. Even if I don’t respond I glow every time I get an email saying someone left a comment or kudos.  
> If you have thoughts on where you’d like this to go or something please share.
> 
> Check out my other fics on here or come visit me on tumblr I’m goldenwolfrose there too. ;)


	3. Nightamres

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patterson has nightmares, that we all know, but tonight her nightmares take on a whole new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta read so any spelling grammar or other errors are totally my fault. Sorry about that.
> 
> Will keep some of the themes and story bits from this season of Blindspot but also totally canon divergent because I’m ignoring Tasha being ‘in love’ with Reade. Plus I ship these two together so AU.

Sleep did come for Patterson that night, unfortunately, it was filled with nightmares she could not escape from. There were the usual ones with Borden that had become a part of her regular sleep routine it felt like now. The dreams where Borden drilled into her teeth and stabbed her and tortured her, mostly just reliving those days over and over. As an added bonus though her mind decided to include all the nights Borden had stayed in her bed, the nights they slept together and the feeling of hope and trust that he gave her after David’s death.

Of course, a conscious Patterson would have seen where her mind was going and found a way to snap herself out of it. Unconscious and asleep though Patterson was powerless to stop her dreams as they progressed further into her pain anguish and loss.

The nightmare seamlessly moved from her bedroom with Borden back to the shack in the woods where he had tortured her. Her body clenched up expecting the dream to replay the sounds and the feelings but when her eyes sought out Borden’s face in an attempt to plead with him to stop, she was met with David’s brown eyes.

David was looking down at Patterson’s body while she was tied and gagged to the table and it sent her heart into a panic. Patterson’s body tried it hardest to escape her nightmares and she thrashed around her bed tossing blankets and pillows around her. Try as she did, her mind would not or could not escape the hell it had brought itself to. Instead, Patterson was left watching as it was David who now drilled into her and destroyed the little bit of safety she had before the incident.

Jolting upright into a sitting position, her hands clenching her sheets so hard her knuckles were white and her hair was damp and glued to her head, Patterson is finally able to escape the hell her dreams had become. Her breath is coming in ragged breaths and Patterson is sure she can feel her heart beating so fast it wants to burst through her chest.

Instinctively Patterson reaches across her bed to her nightstand in search of her phone. It had become a habit since the team had gotten back together for Patterson to text Tasha late at night when the dreams were bad. More often than not Tasha would show up at her door a little later with a movie and a blanket. The pair would move to Patterson’s couch and Tasha would wrap her arms around the blonde comforting her. Some nights Patterson would end up falling back asleep, some nights though the dreams were too much and she never went back to sleep and instead watched something while Tasha snored on the couch across from her. Other nights if Tasha couldn’t come over, or if the nightmares hadn’t been too bad, Tasha would just call Patterson and they would talk until she calmed down again. More often than not though even on those nights the women left their phones connected so that Zapata’s presence was still felt.

When Patterson’s hand come up empty as it brushed against the top of the nightstand, she was reminded that she and Zapata weren’t talking and that her bed was likely in her bed or maybe the floor by now.

Kicking off the sheets that were wrapped around her legs like a burrito Patterson’s heart still beating far faster than normal Patterson wipes at her brow and pushes her wet hair off her face trying to fling her feet off the bed so that she can hunt for her phone. It takes a lot of effort and honestly Patterson is glad for the distraction it provides her brain as it helps push the images from her nightmare into the back of her brain instead of playing on a constant loop behind her eyes.

Finally able to stand free of the sheets and blankets that had wrapped themselves around her legs like cords Patterson is able to turn and see the mess that is her bed after tonight’s nightmares. Even in contrast to other nights the current state of her bed is far worse than she imagined. Patterson supposes that is only fair since the addition of David to the torture bit was far worse than anything before.

Thinking back to the sinking feeling in her gut when Borden’s image was now David’s as they tortured her made her miss her best friend more than ever. Patterson itched to text Zapata, her body needed the grounding presence that the fiery Latina brought to her life.

For so long Tasha had been the rock in her life. After David was murdered Tasha was the one that would come over uninvited with pizza and beer and make sure she was caring for herself. The first person Tasha remembers seeing when she escaped from Borden in the woods was Tasha and that was the same person her eyes always sought out when their days started in the office.

But now Patterson was hurt and angry and it was because of Tasha, even with that truth the urge to text out a message to Tasha is severe. The urge to hear Zapata’s voice or get even the smallest comfort becomes even worse as Patterson is able to spy her phone sticking out from against a pile of blankets that were strewn several feet from the edge of the bed.

Patterson’s mind has almost decided to ignore the pain and the anger it felt towards Zapata and text her about tonight’s dreams. The overwhelming need to get some comfort from her best friend is there as Patterson’s thumb hovers over the screen. As Patterson’s phone wobbles in her hand, it lights up the notification screen and is alerted to new texts from the women she is becoming desperate to hear from.

The urge to text Zapata to calm down is short lived as Patterson swipes to open her phone and stares blankly at the texts from Tasha.

_3:27AM Zapata: It’s complicated_

_3:36AM Zapata: I wanted to tell you. I almost did._

_3:36AM Zapata: Keaton wouldn’t let me. Not even you._

_5:08AM Zapata: I’d be in jail if I had_

Patterson reads and reads the text for far longer than she should have. It was the text blaming Keaton that was throwing Patterson for a loop. Sure Keaton was her boss at the CIA, Patterson was used to superior’s making decisions and having to live behind them. But as Patterson’s eyes read over the sentence one more time Patterson is blown away at the way Tasha tries to hide behind Keaton.

Keaton was never one of Patterson’s favorite people, maybe it was the whole CIA angle or perhaps the countless times he had kept necessary information from the team. But even in this dragonfly mess, Patterson only sort of blamed him.

Zapata could have ignored them, ignored Keaton and his stupid need from secrecy about Borden being alive. Zapata could have chosen their friendship, but she didn’t and reading Tasha try and place all the blame on Keaton hurt even more.

With a frustrated grunt, Patterson throws her phone back on the bed, ignoring the red battery cell at the top.

It’s late, or well early depending on how you look at it, and Patterson knows that she won’t be falling back to sleep anytime soon. Normally Patterson’s free mornings would be spent having brunch playing video games or going to her comic book store, more often than not with Tasha if the other woman was free.  When Patterson turned from her bed and the phone resting on it in disgust she caught a whiff of the smell that was wafting off of her. Two days of heavy drinking and moping about the house had given her a stench that would make a frat boy proud.

Grabbing some fresh clothes from the dresser Patterson stalks her way into the bathroom, turning on the shower as hot as it will go. After brushing her teeth and whipping her stinky and sweat covered clothes Patterson steps gingerly into the shower. The probably too hot water dances against the bottom of the shower and her feet. The water is far hotter than Patterson’s usual showers but her mind wants the heated distraction partially because she hopes the heat will loosen the muscles that are already starting to tighten after the horrific nightmare. Part of Patterson also helps the sting from the too hot water against her skin will distract her from thinking about David, Borden, and Zapata.  

In the end, the shower really only turns her skin a shade of pink that glows more pronounced against her usually pale skin. But, Patterson is grateful that she no longer smells like a whiskey still so she counts that as a win and sets out to make some much-needed coffee.

Of course, the universe must be conspiring against her because as she opens her usual bag of coffee and it’s completely empty. There’s barely even any bean dust in the bag and as she glares into the bag she remembers that she was supposed to stop for some on the way home the other night but then the truth about Borden and she got overwhelmed and forgot.

Sighing dejectedly, Patterson pads back down the hall to her room in search of something decent to go out in public in. It was early still, but not that early that people would be ok with her going out in what she was currently wearing.

Opting for a simple jeans and sweatshirt look, Patterson is out the door not ten minutes later keys in one hand and a barely charged phone stuffed into her back pocket. It’s a quick walk to her usual coffee place and she hopes she can get in and get back to her apartment without having to deal with many people. Her usual ray of sunshine persona is still slightly hungover and until at least a few cups of coffee have been infused into her bloodstream she will likely stay less than perky.

Of course, the universe would continue to be against her. As she rounds the corner only a few stores away from the café she always goes too she spots that hair. At the end of the block before she can see a face she spots Zapata’s brown hair at the other end of the street. Patterson’s mind instantly goes into fight or flight mode and she’s pulling out her phone as she turns on her heel and is speed walking away to some other non-Starbucks near-by.

                                                                                _6:07AM Patterson: what are you doing on this side of town?_

Her text probably reads far more spiteful and bitter than she intends but as she is speeding away from running into Zapata she can’t seem to stop herself from caring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this originally popped into my head as a quick little text one shot. Then I started writing it and it became bigger than that. I’m not sure yet what all I’ll write for this but I’m hoping a few more chapters at least. This chapter is kinda all about Patterson but the next should be Zapata's morning. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are love. Even if I don’t respond I glow every time I get an email saying someone left a comment or kudos.  
> If you have thoughts on where you’d like this to go or something please share.
> 
> Check out my other fics on here or come visit me on tumblr I’m goldenwolfrose there too. ;)

**Author's Note:**

> So this originally popped into my head as a quick little text one shot. Then I started writing it and it became bigger than that. I’m not sure yet what all I’ll write for this but I’m hoping a few more chapters at least. This chapter is kinda brief because I was in a time crunch but...there’s more in my head. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are love. Even if I don’t respond I glow every time I get an email saying someone left a comment or kudos.  
> If you have thoughts on where you’d like this to go or something please share. 
> 
> Check out my other fics on here or come visit me on tumblr I’m goldenwolfrose there too. ;)


End file.
